The New Year is always an appropriate time to reflect on our blessings and resolve to do a better job of things like taking better care of our health, spending more quality time with our spouse or children, learning a new skill or hobby, or generally being a better person. Yet a large percentage of resolutions fail within 2-3 weeks.
Is it because there is an ever-present risk of failure knocking louder than the vision of reward, or because we did not risk enough in choosing a resolution that builds excitement about what our new goal could do to enhance our comfortable lives? I believe we set ourselves up to fail by gradually losing the vision of what a better, new-improved “you” or future life looks like and through sheer lack of concerted effort over the long-haul we ultimately assume our goal is too big a risk to end up failing again so we just stop trying and pretend we weren’t resolute about anything.
Like a lot of people, we dropped anchor in a long-time home and raised a family, nourished careers, watched our family grow larger and grown older together. We have suffered losses and enjoyed life’s celebrations. We have lived fairly full and rich lives embracing all the joys and the pains that come with living. We have weathered the storms and grew from them. We have regretted the chances we never took and rejoiced in those we did, but no matter how old we are there comes a time in us all when we sense something new stirring within. We recognize that we should move out of our comfortable shoes and walk barefoot into the unknown.
For my husband and I, the stirring came again not too long ago in the form of yearning for new careers. We took a leap of faith and never looked back. For us, each day musters up new challenges, new reasons to expand our minds, and yes, even suffer new failures to learn and vibrantly grow from.
Perhaps for you, your stirring comes in the form of yearning for someone or something to love. Perhaps a stirring to seek out a new lifestyle that suits your current physical or emotional needs such as a home without physical obstacles or one closer to family or even strangers so that you are not so isolated and alone but free to make new relationships. Your stirring may simply be an admission that you need some help, but have been too stubbornly independent, or too proud, or too embarrassed to ask for it. You are not alone. We collectively all go through the same normal evolution as humans “growing” older and learning to navigate our changing bodies.
For many, embracing change beyond 80 years of age, or 70 or sometimes even 60-years of age is never even considered because the changes our bodies and minds are going through is enough adjustment to endure. The mere thought of stepping out into an unknown existence never enters your thought process. It is a risk to consciously make a change. Let’s face it, the very definition of risk is the “possibility of danger, or possibility of impending loss or suffering”, and it’s easier, safer to allow that stirring feeling to fade away to a routine, stable, comfortable existence that risks nothing.
Consider this, without risk those embers of hope once stirring slowly dwindle to only a glimmer of light. Without risk there is little excitement brewing; little to look forward to. Life becomes stagnant, unchanging, boring. Choosing not to risk anything actually becomes a risk in and of itself. Yet, risks can look different than you might expect too: Like the danger of falling in love; the danger of meeting a new friend who just “gets” you; the danger of loving a song so much you have to sing it really loud. Dangers lurk learning a new skill or in sharing your skills with others. You might see the danger of becoming proud of yourself; the danger of laughing so hard you cry. For you there may be danger in allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough open your heart instead of closing it.
Just as risks can take on different forms, the rewards can often appear in unexpected ways too. Difficult conversations give way to new clarity. Finishing in second place can sometimes show up as motivation. Endings become new beginnings and sometimes, just maybe, the reward is nothing more than a slight shift in how we view the world and who we are in it.
I believe that we serve more than one purpose in our lives and those purposes evolve as we grow. I believe we are called upon to engage in the world with others so that our purposes may play themselves out into whatever life lesson, or support, or comfort is needed at any given moment most often without our even knowing it.
Growing older is not a means to the end of life. Growing older is an opportunity to grab hold of and enjoy. An opportunity to keep learning, growing, and building stronger relationships. An opportunity to engage with the world in wiser, more meaningful, and different ways than we did when we were younger.
I challenge you to embrace risk this winter. Do not succumb to the status quo of a mere existence. Make the choice to act on your stirring deep within. In the words of Joanna Gaines, Editor of Magnolia Journal: “Whether you make it a big splash or simply tip toe off the edge, eyes closed, praying for a gentle landing – “harness your inner courage to navigate the unknown.”
You don’t have to go it alone. Share your risky vision with someone close to you or bring in a professional service to help, but put a support system of people in place who can catch you when you stumble, nudge you to keep going, or hold your hand when the fear and anxiety becomes too great. Just don’t give up. “When you feel that stirring to lean in and change something, that is your cue to hold steady and work things out. Sometimes what may look like the easiest “no” in your life becomes a slow “yes”.” What gets us to spring is accepting the risk of winter. Set a course and make a new path for others to follow. You’ll be glad you did.